Be the cheese

 

The other morning I fried a few sausage patties and baked a batch of biscuits. Nothing fancy. Just breakfast.

I've learned a little trick over the years. Fold half a slice of Velveeta over the sausage while it's still on the hot biscuit, then put the whole thing in the microwave for about 45 seconds.

Something interesting happens.

The cheese doesn't just melt. It slowly relaxes, flows around the sausage, fills the empty spaces, and almost wraps itself around it. If you time it just right, the sausage is nearly enveloped in a warm layer of cheese. It doesn't change what the sausage is. It simply makes it better. It protects it from drying out. Every bite becomes richer because something else has chosen to surround it.

As I stood there watching breakfast come together, I found myself thinking about my family.

I love my wife. I love my children. I love my grandchildren.

If I could choose one role to play in their lives, I think I'd like to be the cheese.

Not the center of attention. Not the hero of the story. Not the one everyone notices first.

I want to be the one who quietly surrounds them with encouragement, wisdom, stability, generosity, and love. I want to fill in the gaps when life gets hard. I want to protect where I can, support where I'm needed, and make their lives just a little richer because I was there.

None of us can shield the people we love from every disappointment or hardship. Life doesn't work that way.

But we can create an environment where they know they are loved, accepted, and never have to face life's challenges alone.

Maybe that's what the best parents and grandparents do. They don't try to become the sausage. They simply become the cheese that melts around the people they love.

And if we're fortunate, that love spreads from one generation to the next, just like warm cheese finding every little space it can reach.

Winsome

I read an article today that described someone as winsome.  

I had to stop for a moment.

I like that word.

It has a certain mid-century sound to it, the kind of word that seems like it belonged in the vocabulary of newspaper columnists, professors, and thoughtful grandfathers. It is the kind of word I wish came naturally to me. I suspect that if I could casually work winsome into a conversation, people might think I was a little smarter.

Of course, that's just my ego talking.

But that's a word for another day.

Merriam-Webster defines winsome as "generally pleasing and engaging because of a childlike charm and innocence." Other definitions include charming, sweet, cheerful, and delightfully appealing.

What struck me is that winsome isn't really about intelligence, wit, or accomplishment. It isn't about being the loudest person in the room or the one with the most impressive résumé. It's about possessing a quiet quality that naturally draws people toward you.

We've all known people like that.

They aren't necessarily the funniest or the most successful. They simply have a way of making others feel welcome. They smile easily. They listen well. They don't seem to be trying to impress anyone. Their kindness feels genuine rather than calculated.

You enjoy being around them.

It made me wonder if winsome is one of those forgotten virtues. We spend so much time trying to become more productive, more knowledgeable, more influential, or more persuasive that we rarely ask whether we are simply pleasant to be with.

Perhaps that is why the word feels so refreshing.

A winsome person doesn't win arguments.

They win hearts.

That's a distinction worth remembering.

Maybe my goal shouldn't be to add winsome to my vocabulary.

Maybe it should be to add it to my character.

Ecclesiastes 4

 Ecclesiastes 4 is one of the most practical chapters in the Bible. It examines #work, #ambition, #loneliness, #friendship, #leadership, and the fleeting nature of success. If Proverbs often asks, "What is the wise thing to do?" Ecclesiastes asks, "What ultimately lasts?"

This chapter would pair well with many of the themes we've been discussing recently—management attention, priorities, work-life balance, and trust in God.

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Ecclesiastes 4 Overview

Theme: Life "under the sun" is often marked by injustice, isolation, and endless striving. God designed us for community rather than endless competition.

The chapter naturally divides into five sections:

1. Oppression (vv. 1-3)

2. Envy and Work (vv. 4-6)

3. The Tragedy of Working Alone (vv. 7-12)

4. The Folly of Power (vv. 13-16)

5. Overall Lesson

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1. Oppression and Injustice (Verses 1-3)

"Again I saw all the oppressions that are practiced under the sun."

Solomon begins with something difficult.

He looks around the world and notices:

• powerful people oppress the weak

• victims have no comforter

• the powerful often escape justice

His conclusion is startling.

He says the dead are better off than the living, and those never born are better still because they never witnessed such evil.

This is not teaching that life has no value.

Instead it expresses the emotional weight of living in a fallen world.

This is wisdom literature honestly describing what life can feel like.

Reflection

One reason Ecclesiastes feels so modern is because Solomon refuses to pretend the world is fair.

Christians sometimes feel pressure to say "everything is wonderful."

Ecclesiastes says,

"No—it isn't."

God's world is beautiful.

Our world is broken.

Both statements are true.

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2. Work Motivated by Envy (Verses 4-6)

Perhaps the most insightful section.

"I saw that all toil and all skill in work come from one person's envy of another."

Notice he doesn't say all work.

He says much of our striving is driven by comparison.

Today we might say:

• Bigger house

• Better job

• New truck

• More followers

• Better title

• Bigger company

Comparison becomes the engine.

Solomon says:

That too is vanity.

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Two unhealthy extremes

One extreme:

"The fool folds his hands."

Lazy.

Does nothing.

Eventually destroys himself.

The opposite extreme:

Works endlessly.

Never satisfied.

Never enough.

Neither is wisdom.

Then comes one of my favorite verses.

"Better is one handful with quietness than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind."

What imagery.

Two overflowing hands...

but no peace.

One modest handful...

with contentment.

Which is richer?

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Connection to our discussions

This reminds me of your recent reflection after the sermon on Management Attention Capital.

You observed that every initiative, customer, meeting, and project consumes finite attention.

Ecclesiastes says something similar.

Not every opportunity deserves pursuit.

Sometimes "less" produces a richer life.

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3. The Tragedy of Working Alone (Verses 7-12)

This section feels almost written for modern executives.

Solomon observes a man who:

• has no family

• has no heirs

• never stops working

Yet...

"For whom am I laboring?"

That question echoes across history.

Many successful people eventually ask it.

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Then comes one of the most famous passages.

"Two are better than one..."

Why?

Because together they:

• accomplish more

• help each other up

• keep each other warm

• defend each other

Then comes

"A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

Many weddings use this verse.

While appropriate, its original context is actually broader.

It is about the strength of relationships and community.

Some Christians see the third strand as God.

The text doesn't explicitly say that, but the application is meaningful: relationships rooted in God are especially resilient.

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Leadership lesson

This section quietly dismantles the myth of the lone hero.

No CEO...

No pastor...

No entrepreneur...

No parent...

was designed to carry everything alone.

Healthy leaders build teams.

Healthy Christians build community.

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4. Power Is Temporary (Verses 13-16)

Now Solomon tells a little political story.

A poor but wise young man becomes king.

The old king refuses advice.

Eventually...

the young king also becomes forgotten.

Popularity fades.

Power fades.

Influence fades.

Another generation arrives.

This is one of Ecclesiastes' recurring themes.

Human applause has a short shelf life.

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Leadership implication

Lead because it is faithful.

Not because people will remember.

Most leaders eventually become a footnote.

Faithfulness lasts longer than fame.

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Major Themes

1. Competition is a terrible life purpose.

Achievement isn't condemned.

Envy is.

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2. Contentment is wealth.

One handful with peace...

beats two handfuls with anxiety.

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3. Success without relationships is poverty.

The lonely worker has everything...

except someone to share it with.

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4. Community is God's design.

People need:

• friends

• family

• church

• trusted partners

Faith was never intended to be solitary.

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5. Earthly recognition fades.

People quickly forget great leaders.

God does not.

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Connections to the New Testament

Jesus echoes these themes.

Contentment

"What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul?" (Mark 8:36)

Community

Jesus sent the disciples out two by two, not alone.

Paul constantly emphasized the church as one body with many members.

Humility

Jesus Himself became the servant rather than chasing worldly greatness (Philippians 2).

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Questions for Reflection

Based on what I know about the questions you enjoy journaling, here are a few to consider:

1. What motivates most of my work today—service, stewardship, or comparison?

2. Where am I pursuing "two handfuls" when one handful with peace would be enough?

3. Who are the "two are better than one" people God has placed in my life? Am I investing in those relationships?

4. If I retired tomorrow, what work would still matter because it changed people rather than simply produced results?

5. Where have I been measuring success by recognition instead of faithfulness?

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A Thought Especially for You

As we've talked over the past few weeks, one theme keeps resurfacing: your desire to be intentional about what truly matters—whether it's your business coaching, your role at Christenson, your family, or your faith.

Ecclesiastes 4 speaks directly into that journey.

The chapter doesn't discourage hard work. Solomon himself was extraordinarily productive. Instead, it asks deeper questions:

• Why am I working?

• Who am I working for?

• Who am I becoming through my work?

• Who will walk this journey with me?

For someone in a leadership role, verse 6 may be the chapter's central challenge:

"Better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind."

That isn't an invitation to lower your standards. It's an invitation to pursue stewardship over striving, contentment over comparison, and relationships over relentless accumulation. Those themes align remarkably well with the "management attention capital" idea you've been developing, and with the "family → community → country → mankind" order of priorities you've been articulating. When our attention is directed toward what God has entrusted to us, rather than toward endless comparison or expansion, work becomes an act of faithful stewardship instead of an endless chase.

 

My Intention for the Years Ahead

I believe every day is a gift from God and every decision is an exchange of a portion of my life. Time, attention, energy, wisdom, relationships, and influence are the true capital entrusted to me. Because these gifts are finite, I intend to invest them deliberately and wisely.

I will strive to exchange my life only for things of lasting value.

My priorities are clear.

First, my family.
I intend to love well, be fully present, pass on wisdom, preserve our family's history, encourage future generations, and leave an inheritance that includes character, faith, and perspective—not merely financial assets.

Second, my community.
I intend to use my knowledge, experience, and resources to strengthen the organizations, churches, businesses, and people God places in my path. I will seek to serve more than to be recognized and to build more than to possess.

Third, my country.
I intend to contribute to a society built upon integrity, personal responsibility, servant leadership, respect for others, and the rule of law. I will participate thoughtfully, act with humility, and leave my community stronger than I found it.

Fourth, mankind.
I intend to share ideas, principles, and experiences that may benefit others beyond my own circle. If something I learn can improve another person's life or leadership, I have a responsibility to pass it on.

I recognize that every opportunity carries two costs: a financial cost and a life cost. Before committing my time or attention, I will ask:

• Is this worthy of exchanging a portion of my life?

• Does this align with my purpose and calling?

• Will this strengthen faith, relationships, wisdom, or lasting value?

• Am I saying "yes" to something that requires me to say "no" to something more important?

I will remember that activity is not accomplishment, and accomplishment is not significance.

Success is not measured by how much I accumulate but by how faithfully I steward what has been entrusted to me.

I will seek wisdom over information, character over reputation, contribution over recognition, and faithfulness over comfort.

I will be intentional in preserving my family's stories, mentoring future leaders, improving the organizations I serve, and leaving systems that continue to benefit others long after I am gone.

When my life is complete, I hope those who know me best will say that I loved deeply, led with integrity, lived with purpose, and left people, organizations, and communities stronger than I found them.

Above all, I desire to hear the words of my Lord:

"Well done, good and faithful servant."

Claude Feeman

 The man I knew:

One of one!

When I heard that Claude Freeman passed away yesterday, I found myself thinking back almost fifty years.

Claude was the uncle of my good friend Randy Smith. Back in the days before the big round bales, Claude ran a custom hay baling crew. Randy usually ran the tractor that cut the hay, staying a day or two ahead of us, so we didn't cross paths very often.

Claude's crew had a pretty slick operation. They pulled flatbed trailers behind the baler, and two men rode the trailer stacking small square bales as they came off the baler. When one trailer filled up, they'd stop just long enough to unhook it, hook on an empty trailer with another two-man crew, and keep right on baling. Meanwhile, the full trailer would be hauled back to the barn and unloaded. It was a constant rotation that kept everything moving.

I didn't work for Claude very much. I wasn't exactly the kind of young man he was looking for. I was a skinny kid who had grown up in town, not exactly known for spending all day doing hard physical labor. But a couple of times they were shorthanded, and I got the chance to work with them.

One of those days we were baling hay on the Killian farm outside Calico Rock—the same property where the state prison sits today. One thing I remember about Claude was that he liked his Budweiser hot. He never put it in a cooler. He just kept it in the back of his pickup. Every so often he'd pull the tractor over, grab another six-pack, put it in the toolbox, and head right back to baling. That was just Claude.

The funniest memory I have happened one afternoon when we got rained out. Claude needed to go to West Plains, about an hour away. Funny thing was, the rest of the crew suddenly found somewhere else they needed to be. I didn't realize until later they knew exactly what was coming.

Claude looked at me and said, "Steve, get in. You're driving."

So off we went.

I spent the whole day driving him around southern Missouri and northern Arkansas. Every time we'd cross into Missouri, we'd stop at the liquor store so he could replenish his "supplies" before heading back across the state line. Looking back, it was quite an adventure.

But what I remember most about Claude had nothing to do with the beer.

It was that he never forgot people.

I only worked for him a handful of days one summer when I was about eighteen years old. Yet for years afterward, if he happened to run into my dad at the post office, the grocery store, or the drugstore, he'd always ask, "How's Steve doing? What's he up to?" That always meant something to me.

Claude was one of those old Ozark mountain men. He lived back in the hills of northern Stone County, around the Sylamore National Forest. Years of logging, farming, accidents, and just plain hard living had worn his body down. His wife had been sick for a long time and passed away just a couple of weeks ago. They never had any children, and I have to believe losing her broke his heart.

Claude wasn't a perfect man. None of us are. But he was a good man. He worked hard, treated people well, remembered folks long after they had forgotten about him, and was completely comfortable being exactly who he was.

Rest in peace, Claude. You were one of a kind.

July 4, 1976

 Today I celebrate an anniversary.

Fifty years ago today, on July 4, 1976, I tasted Brussels sprouts for the first time. Although I was a teenager, those tiny edible fists of fiber weren’t something I had ever been presented with. Remember, this was before Brussels sprouts discovered bacon and balsamic vinegar.

But alas, July 4 that year was a Sunday, and I was in the hospital recovering from a nasty case of meningitis. Since it was both a Sunday and a significant holiday, I suppose the hospital dietitian wanted to provide a lunch that fit the occasion. A slice of ham and a mound of those tiny heads of cabbage were the final choice.

I ate the ham and tried the morsel.

That is the day, 50 years ago, that I discovered you can’t flush Brussels sprouts.

They float.

Happy 250th Birthday, America.

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